(photo: a YOHO Beer celebration)

For most of us 2020 was probably the worst year in recent memory. Then 2021 came along and here we go again–slow vaccine rollout in Japan, rising COVID cases, shutdowns, no tourism on the horizon to stimulate the economy, political leaders lacking, well, leadership… How could things get any worse from here?

National Geographic and multiple other outlets are reporting about “Brood X” in the eastern United States. These are cicadas that emerge only every 17 years. While cicadas are of course cherished in Japanese culture and a motif in literature–think about haiku, in particular–literally trillions of cicadas are expected to emerge this year in places like New York, Pennsylvania and Washington, D.C. Early settlers to America who first experienced this thought it was the plague of locusts as described in the Bible. Using that as a segue, has anybody given any serious thought to what we will do if these cicadas turn out to be zombie cicadas? Seriously, think about it for a moment… Yes indeed, 2021 could get much worse and at the rate we’re going, zombie cicadas do not seem outside the realm of possibility. Make sure you stock plenty of beer in your cicada shelter. And have your haiku pen ready.

in the lush silence–
penetrating the boulder,
a cicada’s cry.
—Basho, late 17th C.

in the lush silence–
penetrating our soft brains,
zombie cicadas.
—Patient X, 2021

If, in your cicada shelter, you miss the sights and smells of civilization, then we have a product for you. Miller Lite has produced a candle that smells like a dive bar. Perhaps the thought of an underground bunker redolent of spilled beer, sweat and vomit doesn’t appeal to you. Thankfully, the candle is meant to smell like “musk, tobacco, pine and yeast”. The candles will burn for roughly 50 hours and proceeds will support the hospitality industry.
Speaking of things underground, archaeologists have unearthed in Egypt the world’s oldest known beer factory. The site in Abydos, a burial ground in the desert, dates back to the first dynastic period (3150BC-2613BC). It apparently contains eight chambers about 20m long by 2.5m wide, with two rows of 40 ceramic basins where grain in water was heated. Wait, a beer factory near a burial site? Whatever the age, whatever the culture, we humans are not so unalike… We don’t know if they offered growlers for takeaway during plague or locust shutdowns, but it seems likely.

in the lush silence–
mummies buried with growlers,
smiles on their faces

If plagues or zombie cicadas don’t get us, perhaps environmental catastrophe will. But don’t despair! It is not too late to make changes now that will improve our future. Some people just need a little extra convincing to take initiative. To that end, New Belgium (Colorado) created a beer called “Torched Earth” that replicates what beer will taste like in a future where all the ingredients are compromised due to global warming and related catastrophes. No barley? Just millet, then. And smoke it heavily like a wildfire would. Hops? Meh, just toss in some dandelions. New Belgium’s R&D brewer even noted he could’ve used wildfire-smoked water due to one that was threatening the brewery’s own water supply. The result is a beer that tastes, well, cooked and not very fresh. That’s the point–to show people how our food (and beer) supply could suffer if we don’t take action.

For the record, New Belgium has one of the more progressive climate-commitment plans among breweries. It involves clean energy, reduced emissions and other sustainable practices. In general, the beer industry has been rather responsible when it comes to adopting better practices and technologies, as we’ve highlighted in these pages before. Likewise, we at the Japan Beer Times are conscious of our paper usage and donate yearly to forestry groups and other environmental NPOs that aid in carbon mitigation. We also maintain an ongoing dialogue with our printer to source sustainable paper. We share a goal with our partners in the beer industry to reduce our carbon footprint to zero and ensure we fully replenish what we use. There’s no use in surviving COVID, zombie cicadas, or rush-hour trains if the planet’s not habitable.

Fly-swatters will not kill zombie cicadas. A good tennis racket and powerful forehand with crazy topspin, though? Maybe Spanish tennis legend and 20-time Grand Slam champion Rafael Nadal is the hero we need right now. Nadal’s childhood inspiration was actually Dragon Ball, so we’re confident he would relish such a role. He has also become the global ambassador for Amstel for the next three years. He is slated to appear in TV commercials, billboards, magazine ads and social media posts. We presume he will be pushing the 150-year-old Dutch brewery’s lighter products, as he is still competing.

in the lush silence–
Dragon Ball Nadal swatting
a swarm of zombies

Beer companies sponsoring athletes is nothing new, not even in tennis–Kei Nishikori has worked with Asahi Beer for example. As we’ve reported in Roundup before, Germany has even conducted robust research into the potential for beer as a recovery beverage for athletes. As USA Today, one of America’s major mainstream newspapers, reported in March, many U.S. brewers are now trying to push ‘sports-drink beer’. These typically are low in alcohol and calories, but increasingly include ingredients like chia seeds and buckwheat kasha (for more vitamins and minerals) and even ones that dial up the electrolytes. This is very different from light beers we’ve seen around since the 1980s. This is a push into… performance enhancing! Most of us, however, have known for a long time that beer enhances performance, right?

If you’re skeptical, you should try it yourself. Yokohama Beer, for one, has a running club (note that it has been off-and-on with COVID; best to check with them for details). Hamilton Shields at Mikkeller Tokyo also has organized a rather large running club. We’re sure there are more. And if you are hardcore into beer and running, you might want to look up “beer mile”, if you aren’t familiar with it already. Essentially, you run four laps around a track (a true mile) but have to drink four 12-ounce beers at regular intervals (without spilling or… throwing up). There have been plenty of debates whether this is alcohol abuse or a true sport, but there is no denying that some of the times are mind blowing–the world record for men is under 5 minutes! Maybe if the IOC introduced races like these, there would be more support for the Olympics in Japan. It might also help the local beer industry that’s getting walloped by the alcohol shutdown.

Yes, the shutdown (ongoing as we write) is depressing so let’s try to focus on some good news here in Japan. YOHO Brewing was selected as one of the best places to work in Japan for the 5th year in a row. Many are familiar with their bright, cheerful, often zany marketing and it seems that spirit carries over into the workplace. As Fortune and other organizations have long noted, such companies are often more successful and yield higher quality products. We salute YOHO’s continued commitment to a happy, supportive environment for work. We could all use that right now. If you’re working from home, it might help to have a beer handy.

in the lush silence–
cracking open a beer can,
sipping while working

Thank you for reading. Feel free to share your haiku with us by tagging us on Instagram (@japanbeertimes) or Twitter (@JapanBeerTimes). Stay safe.

This article was published in Japan Beer Times # () and is among the limited content available online. Order your copy through our online shop or download the digital version from the iTunes store to access the full contents of this issue.